My New Year, 2012

And these are my new year resolutions. Not a lot, since I can’t really keep up to them anyway:

1) To have a float worthy of “Best Float” for RAG 2012
2) Pull my CAP to above 4.0
3) Be a great senior for my freshies
4) Keeping it together with my JR family

May we all have a good year ahead.

The Past 2011

Time to take a look at my new year resolutions for 2011 and see how I fared:

1) Make more friends than enemies at workplace and school

Checked, I guess

2) Get above average grades in school

Nope

3) Save money

Checked

4) Keep in contact with my various groups of friends

Pretty much been too busy trying to meet up with different groups of friends once I’m available, so checked

5) Make a difference to the lives of at least 11 people

Ok, I really don’t know how to quantify it…let’s leave this out

6 )Clear my IPPT by end of this year

Nope

7) Read more books

Nope

8) Get my driving license

Nope

9) Get a girlfriend

Nope

———

To sum it up, 3/8 succeeded, so it’s really a failure of a year in terms of my new year resolutions.

I’m gonna think about my new year resolution for 2012, before doomsday arrive that is, then post it again on a later date.

———

Looking back onto 2011, it’s been a really eventful year. I would say I’ve really learnt a lot, not so much about myself, but about different skills, whether soft skills or hard skills. My first half of the year was when I was struggling to make ends meet each month, barely surviving on the amount of money I earn. It was really the first time in my life not living on allowance of any kind, just trying to earn enough to get through the next month. Yet, I’ve forged really close friendships with several others from different walks of life. Back in November 2010, I never thought that I would do this job. In fact, I never even gave a damn thought about what I wanted to do during my 7/8 months of hiatus. I guess spontaneity is more rewarding than you think it can be. Thinking back to how I almost broke out in tears during my first and last camp, it occasionally reminded me why I wanted this job. Simply put, I wanted to make that least bit impact, if any, to at least one person’s life each camp, be it student, trainer, or even teacher. I’ve definitely learnt a lot about interpersonal skills, how to manage the soft side of people, and reach to that. As an officer, that was something I definitely did not touch so much on. To deal with students from vast backgrounds, it was a whole new experience. And knowing how I was back in their age, I realised how fragile they were and had to be careful with that. And then to the friends I made. The rapport I built with several colleagues wasn’t something which happened over night. It was through working, accommodating, adapting to one another. I would say I can’t help but smile everytime I’m with my trainers, because they never fail to make my day.

Then onto uni life. Till today, SCAMP is still the best thing in my uni life, because through SCAMP, I got to know a second “family” through that. I don’t know how long we’ll last, but it’s been slightly more than half a year. I wouldn’t say it’s all sunshine and happiness for us, but through these times, I really felt like I have a family whenever I’m in school. Nothing can ever replace the happiness you guys have brought to me for the past few months. Thank you Jolly Roger for these awesome times together, and I really hope that we’ll stick through together for the next few years.

Let all the unhappiness and horrible things which happened in December begone. Please let 2012 be a good year ahead.

If You Get There Before I Do

It’s been about two and a half months since I started letting you know how I felt, and about a month since you started accepting me. Then last night, everything just came crashing down like that, to me. I don’t know why the hell I agreed to it, but how the hell can I be ok with it?

And suddenly, I feel like I have no motivation to get anything done, knowing that we’re gonna go back to how it was once it’s 1st Jan. I hate this feeling. It’s like I finally felt there’s something worth looking forward to in my life, and then now it’s gonna go away in like…about slightly more than a week from now? And I know how I’m not gonna find a girl like you anytime soon. Suddenly, I feel like life’s gonna be mundane for me again.

How’d you expect me to give up on you?

I’m not gonna give up yet, honestly.

air mata di pipi

Before I start off guys, please view this video:

My Farewell Video

Dear Trainers,

As I move on from every phase of my life, I’m used to posting something reflective of that journey and thank some people. This time, this one goes out to all of you. At first I was thinking of just posting the video URL and do a commentary on FB, but I decided to dedicate a proper post to you guys instead. (I know I’m 1 month behind it already!)

My life in Innotrek started out in December 2010, when I came in fresh and not knowing anything, and signed up for Camp Renewal. Be it phase 1 or phase 2, after going through it, I felt really skeptical of how I would like the working environment/people/working style/etc.

Then I had my first camp, without actually knowing how to do camps! I was really lost back then, being thrown with a group and with duties. But all in all, that was indeed my first camp, and one which I would never forget, because everytime I think back to that, it was one camp which I really almost cried towards the end of the camp.

Throughout my entire course of being a trainer, I met a whole lot of you. Looking at my FB, you guys actually make up 1/10 of my friend list! I’ve had some disagreements with some of you, but all in all, the experience with you guys generally consisted of fun, laughter and craziness.

Throughout my journey in Innotrek, I’ve learnt many things, whether through others’ experiences, or through committing mistakes myself. I’ve also taught various newer trainers things along the way, as much as I don’t know the lengths of which I’ve helped them.

Likewise, I’m wondering if I actually made a difference to the lives of any students. One of my New Year Resolution this year was to “Make a difference to the lives of at least 11 people”. This was mainly skewed towards being a trainer, and wanting to help students change something in their lives for the better. Unfortunately, this is a really intangible resolution to make, as I’ll never know the results.

Thinking back, there was a point of time when I really felt like giving up on trying to do more during camps, because of having 3 bad experiences in a row (i.e. having 3 groups which were out of control). That kind of experience really left me scarred, and left me to question myself if it was about me, or just my bad luck. Whatever passion I had for doing camps really left me at that moment.

And away from my chattering now. I really want to thank the following schools for giving me a wonderful experience as a trainer: AMKPS, JVSS, HSCS, QFPS, St Margs, EVSS, and JJC. Special mention to the last 3 schools mentioned, because they were camps which almost brought me lots of emotions throughout, and almost to tears (with the students).

And special thanks to the following group of people during my Inno experience:

My batchmates: Afifah, Shikin, Hami, Atiqah, Addam, Hafiz, Iqbal, and of course most importantly, the only other Chinese, HK. I started out with you guys, and honestly, up till today, you guys are still the group of people who I’m most comfortable working with, hands down.

The trainers who have guided me a lot along the way: Mac, Wani, Shaheera, Shafiq, Small Hakim and Xan. Without your guidance and what you guys have taught me, I would never have been the trainer I was.

Raj, Ah Hui and Oli, there is always something which makes me want to do camps with any 3 of you. It was really a great experience working with you guys, especially Oli.

Haikel and Chandan: I can’t remember when did it start, but the two of your became my “brothers” at a certain point of time when I thought I was alone. Thanks for being there bros.

Syabs and Liy: I’ve started knowing the two of you outside of camps, and yet the 2 of you were always like little sisters to me. Really thank you for being there.

Dee: What can I say, one of my bestest buddies till date! I’m so gonna miss you Dee!

Thalia: My dearest SISTER, since when did we become “brother” & “sister” in the first place? Anyways, I really miss those nights where we spend chatting/bitching on fb like nobody’s business! Thank you for being such a great confidante sister! Meet more in school ok?

Addam: Amongst all the trainers, I swear I have the most rapport/telepathy with you, because we always seem to know what each other are thinking without saying anything. Thank you for being such an awesome pal bro.

Li: All I can say for you bro, is that you were the one trainer who actually grew together with me throughout my journey in Inno. “Thanks” is definitely not enough to say how much we’ve been through and grown together.

Jiawen, Rachel, Ain, Juowi, and Khai, the truth is I’ve only started really knowing you guys during the past 1 or 2 months. Yet these were awesome times spent with you guys, and it made me want to be with you guys at every point of time. I especially missed the week where I almost spent the whole week with y’all. I’m gonna miss you guys a lot after I start uni.

(For the rest of you who aren’t mentioned, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you ♥)

With every batch of trainers that come, most will leave at a point of time. Then comes in another new batch. The next time I’m back at Inno, it will bound to be a new batch of trainers. So here comes the time when I really need to move on to the next phase of life, and leave the next batch to create new memories for themselves. I don’t know how else to show my appreciation but through the LONG video and LONG post over here. This time, the tears on my cheek are not of pain or suffering, but of sadness of leaving.

♥ Ray

air mata di pi pi
Inno tak akan mati
eh ah eh ah
Inno kia

Forkroad

For those of you who don’t understand what this title means, it’s basically a road where you have three or more paths to take.

Many a times, we are presented with many choices, and of course we have to make one, and only one choice. I came across this junction, and this time, I took a path which could really land me into deep shit.

For once, I really felt like everything that I’ve worked so hard to achieve today, a reputation, a character, a mark in my life, it could just come crumbling down because of this path I took. I really didn’t see what was coming at all. I was warned and advised time and again against doing such stuffs, yet I still did it. I never expected the matter to blow up so big!

And because problems are often deeper than they seem on the surface, somehow I have decided to make this problem personal. For the first time, I’ve been questioned so much about myself. Yet someone decided to trust me unto this task, of hoping to help someone change for the better. Yes, helping one person may not make much difference in society, but I really want to help this person change for the better.

Even if I really do get into deep shit, I just want to say that someone has entrusted me with a task to help one’s close kin to change for the better. I will stick to it, no matter what happens to me. I really want to guide this person to the right path, because I’m one of the few fortunate ones to have things coming easy for me. Not everyone’s born to be so lucky as I am.

———

How am I supposed to put it across to you? I don’t wanna make that prediction into a self-fulfilled prophecy.